Atlantis Puppet Pals
by Miss Pookamonga
Summary: UPDATED! What do you get when you combine SGA with Potter Puppet Pals? Atlantis Puppet Pals, of course! WARNING: CONTAINS EXTREME RANDOM STUPIDNESS INVOLVING HYPERACTIVE PUPPETS.
1. Bothering McKay

_Dear Readers,_

_If I have hopelessly butchered SGA, please don't kill me. I've had this idea for quite a while...Potter Puppet Pals + Stargate: Atlantis!! Teeheehee...don't get me wrong, I love SGA, but you can never go wrong with a good parody, right? Anyhoo, please read and review. If people like this, I'll post more episodes based on PPP ones! This one is based off "Bothering Snape". (Btw, the joke is funnier if you've seen Potter Puppet Pals--it's fun to watch for both HP lovers and HP haters!)_

_Best Regards from a Bookworm (and SGA fan),_

_Miss Pookamonga ;-P_

**Atlantis Puppet Pals**

_**Episode # 1: "Bothering McKay"**_

Characters:

Lieutenant Col. John Sheppard (aka "Handsome Hero Guy with Messy Hair")

Ronan (aka "Big Strong Alien Dude")

Dr. Rodney McKay (aka "Pathetic Annoying Genius Man")

Dr. Elizabeth Weir (aka "Smart Healthy Leader Lady")

**Note: All of the characters are represented by happy-looking hand puppets. (Except Rodney's, which looks angry.)**

**John: **_(VERY happily) _Hello! I'm Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard!

**Ronan: **_(in a ridiculously high-pitched, giddy voice) _And I'm Ronan!

**John: **And we're on an inter-galactic expedition in the Ancient city of Atlantis!

**Ronan: **_(in the same, high-pitched, giddy voice) _What are we going to do today, John?

**John: **I know! Let's bother Rodney!

**Ronan: **Okay!

_(Scene shifts to Rodney.)_

**Rodney: **_(swaying back and forth and speaking in a whiny voice) _I am Rodney, the annoying genius scientist.

_(John and Ronan appear off to the side.)_

**John: **_(pointing) _There he is!

_(They pounce on Rodney, batting their arms at him.)_

**John and Ronan: **Bother, bother, bother, bother, bother, bother...

**Rodney: **Ah! AAAAAH! AAH! Gerroff me! AAH!

**John and Ronan: **...bother, bother, bother, bother, bother!

**Rodney: **AAH! AAH!_(He collapses.) _

_(John and Rodney run away.)_

**Ronan: **That was fun!

**John: **I like the part when he stopped moving! _(pauses) _Let's do it again!

**Ronan: **YAY!

_(Scene shifts to Rodney, and John and Ronan pounce on him again, batting him with their arms.)_

**John and Rodney: **Bother, bother, bother, bother, bother, bother!

**Rodney: **AAH! AAH! STOP! STOP IT ALREADY! AAARRGHH— _(Growling, he takes out a random phaser and shoots John and Ronan.)_

**John and Ronan: **AAAH!! _(They collapse.)_

**Rodney: **Oh...crap.

_(Elizabeth appears.)_

**Elizabeth: **_(in high-pitched, girly voice) _Hello, Rodney!

**Rodney: **Elizabeth, I can explain...

**Elizabeth: **_(bouncing over to John and Ronan's bodies) _What have we here? It seems that young John and Ronan are taking an afternoon nap! Let's see what they have in their pockets!

_(During all this, Rodney quietly escapes.)_

**Elizabeth: **_(digs through John's and Ronan's pockets) _Ah! A lemon and a Satedan machete. This is my lucky day! _(pauses) _Say, where did Rodney go? More importantly, why the heck am I here? _(pauses, looking around, then disappears behind the puppet stage)_

**Elizabeth: **_(popping up with a boombox in hand) _DANCE TIME! _(She presses button on the boombox, and "Move It" begins playing. She starts dancing.) _WHOO!

_(After a few seconds, the music abruptly stops.)_

**Elizabeth: **WHO CUT OFF MY MUSIC?!

**THE END **


	2. Lantean Angst

_Dear Readers,_

_Finally, the next episode! I finally mustered up the will to write it. Thanks for all your reviews! I'm glad you enjoyed the first episode...now I hope you enjoy this one! _

_Best Regards from a Bookworm,_

_Miss Pookamonga :-P_

* * *

_**Episode # 2: "Lantean Angst"**_

Characters:

Lieutenant Col. John Sheppard (aka "Handsome Hero Guy with Messy Hair")

Ronan Dex (aka "Big Strong Alien Dude")

Dr. Rodney McKay (aka "Pathetic Annoying Genius Man")

Dr. Elizabeth Weir (aka "Smart Healthy Leader Lady")

Teyla Emmagan (aka "Generic Pretty Alien Lady")

A Random Wraith Dude (aka "Life-Sucking Alien Nemesis")

**Note: All of the characters are represented by happy-looking hand puppets. (Except Rodney's, which looks angry.)**

**John: **_(angrily) _I feel cranky and pubescent today, and I don't know why! GRR! I'm going to take it out on people I like!

_(Ronan appears)_

**Ronan: **_(giddily, in a high-pitched voice) _Hello, John! What sort of tomfoolery shall we get up to today?

**John: **No tomfoolery today, Ronan. I'm sick of you're long, stinky, dreadful...dreadlocks.

**Ronan: **_(sadly, as if he's going to cry_) Why must you hurt me in this way, John?

_(Teyla pops up from nowhere)_

**Teyla: **_(upset) _Yeah! What's you're problem, John?!

**John: **_(yelling) _I'm stranded in a galaxy light-years away from Earth, my life sucks, I can't hold down a girlfriend, and I'm surrounded by flippin' wraith-people all the time! I mean, what the crap?!

**Ronan: **_(excitedly) _But it's all part of the exhilarating thrill of outer space adventure! It's out of this world!

**John: **Well, I still have nightmares about the wraith brutally attacking me and trying to eat my guts every night! I can't take it anymore! I-quit-SGA!

**Ronan: **GASP

**Teyla: **_(worriedly) _But what about fighting the wraith? We still need to defeat them!

**John: **Fine. _(looks at Ronan) _It's all up to you now, Ronan.

**Ronan: **_(stuttering in terror) _B-b-b-b-b-u-u-ttttttttt Nooooooo!

**John: **_(eagerly) _C'mon now, go fight them! _(pushes Ronan aside)_

_(Ronan bumps into a wraith)_

**Random Wraith Dude: **_(maliciously) _Hello, little...big...man.

**Ronan: **_(whimpering)_

**Random Wraith Dude: **You want a piece of me? What?

**Ronan: **_(petrified) _N-n-n-n-o, sir. Mmmmm—waaaaaaah! _(runs away, still whimpering like a baby)_

**Random Wraith Dude: **Yeah, you run away! ...kid.

**Ronan: **_(to Teyla, crying) _Aaah, I can't do it!

**Teyla: **You tried your best, Ronan.

**Ronan: **_(looking confused) _W-what's John doing?

_(scene shifts to John, who is banging his head on a wall)_

**John: **Angst, angst, angst, angst, angst, angst, angst...

_(scene shifts back to Teyla and Ronan)_

**Teyla: **He's a little off today; haven't you noticed?

**Ronan: **_(in a sing-song voice) _Maaaybe he's in looove.

**Teyla: **Who'd fall in love with such an id—

**Ronan: **_(cutting her off) _Maybe he needs a hug!

**John: **_(angrily) _I don't want a hug!

**Ronan: **_(going over to John) _Give me a hug, John!

**John: **_(in an emo voice) _No.

**Ronan: **_(hugging John) _Hugging...

**John: **_(pushing Ronan away violently) _I _warned _you! _(he lunges at Ronan, and the two start swatting at each other, fighting)_

**John and Ronan: **Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! Ow! Ow! Ah! Oof!

_(Teyla looks at them for a minute, then leaves unnoticed.)_

**John and Ronan: **_(still fighting)_

_(Rodney appears)_

**Rodney: **_(in a whiny, annoyed voice) What_ is this rumpus?!

**Ronan: **_(whining, pointing at John) _John hit me!

**John: **_(still in emo voice, pointing at Ronan) _Ronan invaded my personal bubble!

**Rodney: **Methinks some severe punishment is in order here.

**John and Ronan: **Oh no!

**Rodney: **I shall report you to Colonel Caldwell, and he will force you to clean the mess hall from corner to corner and eat every scrap of Brussels sprouts casserole until your stomachs are churning like the choppy waters of the Atlantic Ocean. And then...

**John and Ronan: **Look, Rodney! Chocolate!

**Rodney: **_(spinning around) _Where?!

**John and Ronan: **_(taking out squirt bottles from their belts) _Made ya look! _(they squirt lemonade at his face)_

**Rodney: **_(screaming like a girl) _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! _(runs away frantically, waving his hands in the air) _I'M GOING TO DIE!

_(Elizabeth appears)_

**Elizabeth: **_(laughing hysterically) _Aw, man, that was awesome, guys!

**Ronan: **_(happily) _Thanks, Elizabeth!

**Elizabeth: **_(in a giddy, hyperactive voice) _Are you still full of that Lantean angst, John?

**John: **_(pleased) _I think I can appreciate life a lot more now.

**Elizabeth: **_(spazzing out) _WELL, THAT'S JUST FANTASTIC!

_(Teyla comes over to them) _

**Teyla: **_(enthusiastically) _Hey, guys! _(pauses and looks around)_...why does it smell like lemons?

**Ronan: **Why, it's just a little surprise we gave Rodney.

_(pause)_

**John, Ronan, Elizabeth, and Teyla: **_(burst out laughing) _Ahahahahahahaha! Ahahahahahahaahaha! Hahahahahhaha...

_(Elizabeth suddenly floats up into the air to the sound of wind chimes, and disappears.)_

**John, Ronan, and Teyla: **_(staring upwards, bewildered)_

_(They all look at each other.)_

**John: **_(whispering) _Everyone make a wish.

**THE END**


	3. The Mysterious Ticking Noise

_Dear Readers,_

_Well! It has been awhile! But I said I wasn't done with this, so here you go--the next installment of "Atlantis Puppet Pals"! Thanks so much for all your reviews; there will be more to come!_

_Best Regards from a Bookworm (and SAVE SGA advocate--send in your penny postcards!!)_

_Miss Pookamonga ;-P and her muses: Suzy T. Blue, Sunny Baudelaire, Sally Brown, Captain Jack Sparrow, Hugh Laurie, Kenneth Branagh, Dr. Rodney McKay, and now Nikola Tesla (the vampire version from _Sanctuary_)_

_**Nikola:** BOO!_

_**Me:** Ha. I own you now too. Go stand over yonder with ye olde other brethren muses._

_**Nikola:** What?_

_**Me:** Never mind._

_

* * *

_

**Atlantis Puppet Pals**

_**Episode # 3: "The Mysterious Ticking Noise"**_

Characters:

Lieutenant Col. John Sheppard (aka "Handsome Hero Guy with Messy Hair")

Ronon Dex (aka "Big Strong Alien Dude")

Dr. Rodney McKay (aka "Pathetic Annoying Genius Man")

Dr. Elizabeth Weir (aka "Smart Healthy Leader Lady")

Colonel Samantha "Sam" Carter (aka "Super Genius Barbie 4.2")

Dr. Jennifer Keller (aka "Cute Doctor Girl")

Dr. Radek Zelenka (aka "Little Foreign Dude with Glasses")

**Note: All of the characters are represented by happy-looking hand puppets. (Except Rodney's, which looks angry.)**

* * *

_(Rodney appears. In the background we hear a strange ticking noise.)_

**Rodney: **Hmm…what is that mysterious ticking noise? _(looks around) _Not over here, not over there, hmm… _(pause) _Kind of…catchy. _(looks around to see if anyone is there, then starts chanting)_

McKay, McKay

Rodney McKay

McKay, McKay

Rodney McKay…_(continues)_

**Elizabeth: **_(pops up) _ELIzabeth!

**Rodney: **

…McKay, McKay

Rodney McKay

**Elizabeth: **ELIzabeth!

**Rodney: **

…McKay, McKay

Rodney McKay

**Elizabeth: **ELIzabeth! _(continues)_

**John: **_(pops up)_

John! John! John SHEPpard!

John! John! John SHEPpard! _(continues)_

**Elizabeth: **ELIzabeth!

**Rodney: **…McKay, Rodney McKay…

**Zelenka: **_(pops up) _Zelenka!

_(all simultaneously)_

**John: **

John! John! John SHEPpard!

**Rodney: **

…McKay, Rodney McKay…

**Zelenka: **Zelenka!

**John: **

John! John! John SHEPpard!

**Zelenka: **Zelenka…Zelenka, Zelenka, Zelenka!

**Sam: **_(pops up) _

Sam Carter, Sam Carter, UH!

Sam Carter, Sam Carter, YEAH!

Sam Carter, Sam Carter, UH!

Sam Carter, Sam Carter, THAT'S ME!

_(scene shifts to just Sam and Rodney, yelling)_

**Rodney: **Rodney!

**Sam: **Sam!

**Rodney: **Rodney!

**Sam: **Sam!

**Rodney: **Rodney!

**Sam: **Sam!

**Rodney: **Rodney!

**Sam: **Sam!

**Rodney: **Rodney!

**Sam: **Sam!

**Rodney: **Rodney!

**Sam: **Sam!

**Rodney: **Rodney!

**Sam: **Sam!

**Rodney: **Rodney!

**Sam: **Sam!

**Elizabeth: **_(popping up) _ELIIIzabeth!

**Zelenka: **_(waving by) _Zeeeeeeeeelenka!

_(all simultaneously)_

**Rodney: **

McKay, McKay

Rodney McKay…

**Elizabeth: **ELIzabeth!

**John: **

John! John! John SHEPpard!

**Zelenka: **

Zelenka

Zelenka

Zelenka

Zelenka, Zelenka, Zelenka!

**Sam:**

Samantha Carter, I'm Samantha Carter

I'm Samantha Carter

I'm Samantha Carter

**All: **

Singin' a song

All day long

In Atlaaaaaaaaantis!

**Ronon: **_(appears out of nowhere) _Hey, guys! I found the source of the ticking! It's a pipe bomb!

**All: **YAAAAAAAY!

_(BOOM!)_

**Jennifer: **_(randomly appears) _MUAHAHAHAHA!

_(starts tapping her pencil against the stage)_

Jennifer, Jennifer

Oooh Jenny, Jenny, Jenny

Jennifer!

**FIN**

* * *


End file.
